From what I've seen, humans depend greatly on verbal communication. If so, you'd think my human would be better at it, or at least show more effort. A typical conversation between us is
Me: Give me fish.
Human: (petting me) I love you too!
Me: That reply made no sense.
Human: Yes I do!
Me: Cretin.
I can hardly complain about the petting, but these exchanges suggest two unacceptable possibilities. Either the human I depend on for food is unable to understand me, or he is simply unconcerned with what I'm saying.
When he lectures me for begging, at least, I can grant he's closer to the mark. But it's probably a lucky guess. And where does he get off? If I knew how to conjure snacks I'd leave him alone. Completely.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Mere coincidences
A bit of fortuitous luck last night. I'd decided it would be just the thing to climb atop the mantle and crawl to the far end for a nap. Wouldn't you know, there was a folded up towel in exactly my chosen spot. Trés perfect!
But when my human came home and gave me due attention, I rather suspect he was fawning on me. Like it was endearing that I had chosen to curl up on the towel. No, you twerp, I had chosen to nap here anyway. The towel just happened to be there.
Anyhow I seem to be on a roll. Today I picked a perfect napping spot in the middle of the floor, and wouldn't you know it, there's a folded up towel right there! Ahhh. Comfortable, and exactly where I was planning to put myself.
What is the human laughing about? Pfffft. Simians.
But when my human came home and gave me due attention, I rather suspect he was fawning on me. Like it was endearing that I had chosen to curl up on the towel. No, you twerp, I had chosen to nap here anyway. The towel just happened to be there.
Anyhow I seem to be on a roll. Today I picked a perfect napping spot in the middle of the floor, and wouldn't you know it, there's a folded up towel right there! Ahhh. Comfortable, and exactly where I was planning to put myself.
What is the human laughing about? Pfffft. Simians.
Monday, January 17, 2005
Please stop dancing now
Self-grooming isn't light business; I defy any non-cat to lick the entirety of his or her own back. Even in a feline body it calls for some serious contortions.
So when I've twisted and balanced enough to wash my own hip, I'd really prefer that my human not start dancing. Once he starts dancing, I can't move a muscle until he stops. Because I'm sure as hell not taking my eyes off him. My instincts assure me this "dancing" is a prelude to cat dismemberment.
He knows this. He must know it. He only ever dances when I'm in the middle of a difficult grooming pose, and looks thoroughly pleased with himself.
My previous residence was no bowl of catnip. The other cat was a total hellion. But at least that human refrained from dancing in my presence.
Great, I've forgotten where I was. Must start over on the hip. Will you stop!
So when I've twisted and balanced enough to wash my own hip, I'd really prefer that my human not start dancing. Once he starts dancing, I can't move a muscle until he stops. Because I'm sure as hell not taking my eyes off him. My instincts assure me this "dancing" is a prelude to cat dismemberment.
He knows this. He must know it. He only ever dances when I'm in the middle of a difficult grooming pose, and looks thoroughly pleased with himself.
My previous residence was no bowl of catnip. The other cat was a total hellion. But at least that human refrained from dancing in my presence.
Great, I've forgotten where I was. Must start over on the hip. Will you stop!
Am I supposed to be grateful?
Apparently my owner thought it would be kind, or amusing, or whatever, to give me a little piece of fresh tuna.
Hello! May I remind you that cats retain 99% of our feral instincts, and that I myself was feral ere we met? I can no more ignore the possibility of a whole dead fish somewhere than you could ignore a child's cry for help. That was 30 minutes of my short waking lifespan spent sniffing out the entire apartment, and now my nose is sore.
Admittedly the fish was very good. But I can no longer entirely trust you not to have more somewhere.
Hello! May I remind you that cats retain 99% of our feral instincts, and that I myself was feral ere we met? I can no more ignore the possibility of a whole dead fish somewhere than you could ignore a child's cry for help. That was 30 minutes of my short waking lifespan spent sniffing out the entire apartment, and now my nose is sore.
Admittedly the fish was very good. But I can no longer entirely trust you not to have more somewhere.
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